What are you doing New Year’s eve?

2007 wasn’t exactly a banner year for me. My Chinese astrology forecast for the Year of the Pig promised me 8 bad months and 4 good ones, and I got exactly that. A heady mixture of ups and downs.

the downs 

A project I worked on at the start of the year went awry, resulting in lost money. Another project, which I signed on for a specific number of days, stretched on for too long, which affected my reputation as a consultant who delivered on time–something I worked so hard to build in the previous years. I had to postpone my return to school due to scheduling conflicts brought on by the delays in the aforementioned projects.

My personal relationships weren’t spared. Long friendships ended this year: one brought on by another’s deception and another caused by our inability to cope with personal changes. While I have not completely given up on these friendships (we had such good times after all), I am currently inclined to consider these people ‘frienemies’ (a cross between a friend and an enemy). A couple of new friendships also ended this year: one caused by the other’s pathological dishonesty, and the other caused by a failure to disclose. I have renewed ties with the latter, though my intuition tells me it will be long before we can get back ‘that old feeling’. So I would still consider this one a ‘frienemy’, while the former is simply, to put it bluntly, ‘dead-to-me’.

I was less sick this year compared to 2006. I was, in fact, on the path to losing weight in the first quarter of 2007 but got kicked off the track mid-year. Fortunately I did not gain all the weight I lost; I was still heavier last year but I know I need to do more work on this if I want to live healthier. I remember being attacked by my ‘dead-to-me’ about my weight. My self-respect shielded me from most of the impact of this attack (and understanding that the attack was a desperate move of my ‘dead-to-me’) but it strengthened my resolve to do something about my weight. Before it becomes too late.

the ups

Even if two of my biggest projects did not go too well, 2007 can still be remembered as the first time I added a country to my places of work: China. I spent a couple of weeks in Beijing on a consultancy, and I took the chance to see the sights–chronicled in this blog, and to be with a dear friend. This year was a very good year for me in terms of travel. Saigon in April & September, Kuala Lumpur in May, Chiang Mai on June & November, Beijing on July, and Hyderabad in October. It seems that these trips were to make up for the Manila holiday that I did not take this year.

They say that when a door closes, windows open. This adage, it seems, is also applicable to friendships. While this year has seen the dissolution of some of my friendships, this year I also made new friends. Four are worth mentioning. The first is not really a new friend; I’ve known her for quite a bit but I only started to get to know her better this year. And such a good person to know, this lady. Down-to-earth and unassuming, and simple as her nickname, she is a refreshing sight to all the ‘frienemies’ and the ‘dead-to-me’s’ that came my way this year. I am honored to be her friend. The second is also an old acquaintance but our recent closeness have made me discover a good person. I am looking forward to getting to know him more. The other two are colleagues. I am actually quite amazed and alarmed at these new friendships: amazed at the speed with which it happened; alarmed at what can this mean to the friendship. Easy come, easy go? I hope not. 

My relationship with my partner has progressed to a new level of maturity that I hadn’t thought I’d be capable of doing and being. Both of us are busy with our own careers and as such we do not have much time to be with each other but whenever we do, we have so much fun and pleasure. Our passion for each other has not waned with time. Now I really know what quality time means. We went on holiday twice this year and we are planning to do more this year.

the 2008 forecast

First, something about my sign: sturdy, earthy, no-nonsense – that’s the Ox. Affectionate and easy-going, the Ox can show a fierce temper when agitated. He is neat, tidy, quiet and studious, with a great love of his home. Music can be a great love. Family life and a loving partner are high on the Ox’s priorities. A wonderful loyal friend.

And the forecast for the year of the rat: the Ox could be quite tired after a hectic last couple of months in 2007. During 2008 the focus on work continues, with excellent prospects for promotion, moving to a better position and also taking up new skills. It will be important for the Ox to take time out for recreational and social pursuits in order to relax and remember to enjoy himself. 2008 will also be a lucky year for Ox’s with possible monetary gain or unexpected gifts arriving during the year. Friends will also play an important role in the year, providing support, camaraderie and fun times. The Ox is not the most social animal in the Zodiac and it’s important for him not to neglect his existing circle of friends this year. His well-considered and honest advice will be sought a few times over 2008. March to August will be a terrific time for work advancements.

Have a happy new year, dear reader. May the new year bring us the best and the strength to cope with the worst! 

Something happened on the way to heaven

Today in 2004, I was busy finalizing plans for a project that I would work on the first week of the new year. I was in my old, one-bedroom flat. My living room doubled as my home office. I kept the TV on because I couldn’t work in absolute silence. The TV was tuned to CNN. Earlier, I had caught a report that a very strong earthquake hit Indonesia. How unfortunate, I thought.

Not an hour later, a news bulletin caught my attention. Apparently, a tsunami resulted from the earlier-reported earthquake, hitting Indonesia and reaching as far as Thailand. There was no video accompanying these reports, but I was riveted. Hundreds were feared dead. My mobile phone rang with text messages from Manila and from friends here in Cambodia. Did I hear about the tsunami? Are you safe there? Did you know if so and so’s trip to Phuket pushed through or not? I sent messages to my family in Manila that as far as I knew, Cambodia was not hit by the tsunami.

As the day grew old, however, the magnitude of the disaster became apparent. Reports started coming in that from Indonesia and Thailand, the tsunami has reached other countries like Burma, Malaysia, the Andaman & Nicobar Islands, Sri Lanka, and India. Reports on the estimated death toll varied but shared a commonality: it was rising. I am not sure when the tally became final (up to now there have been thousands missing and unidentified) but the 2004 Asian tsunami claimed more than 220,000 lives and destroyed homes, arable lands, and infrastructures in 13 countries (Bangladesh, the Maldives, Seychelles, Tanzania, Kenya, and Somalia).

H, a colleague, who was pregnant that time, missed her flight to Phuket the day before, forcing her to stay in Bangkok. When I went to Colombo in 2002, I met the staff of ‘Companions on a Journey’, a local NGO that worked with MSM and TG in HIV prevention and social support. A significant number of its staff and volunteers died in the tsunami, and many more lost family members and homes. I saw S, one of CoJ’s heads, in New Delhi on September 2006 and risking indelicacy, I asked him about his experience in the tsunami. He’d been able to cope with the grief of losing friends and relatives, but I could still sense the trauma that the experience has left him. If I’d been in his place, I’d been a nervous wreck longer than him.

As a Filipino, I’d experienced quite a number of disasters first-hand. I mean, typhoons are a common occurrence in the Philippines. Earthquakes and volcanic eruptions as well. I was out with my friends when the July 1990 earthquake happened. We were on the second floor of a fast-food joint, and when it hit, the glass windows just shook relentlessly in their frames. Across the street we could see the big building of a public high school swaying left and right, as if it were bamboo being blown by the wind. When Mount Pinatubo erupted in June 1991, I was fascinated to see our neighborhood in Manila covered in 2 or 3 inches of what looked like snow (it was ash).

We Filipinos like to claim that we are a resilient people but I think that we do not have a monopoly on this. I believe that resilience is a human trait. But resilience in itself is empty without social support.

Three years after the 2004 Asian tsunami, many are still experiencing its effects. Governments have responded to the disaster in varying degrees, and aid agencies worldwide claim that no significant success have been achieved. Former US President Bill Clinton even said that only about a third of those affected by the disaster were back in permanent housing. A UN-backed report said coastal dwellers in at least 5 countries were being discouraged or even prevented from returning to their land to give way to commercial projects. Homelessness leads to other vulnerabilities like diseases, poverty, and exploitation of women and children.

Today, as the world commemorates those who died in the disaster, let us not forget those who are still living in the shadows that the tsunami had cast upon their lives. Let us make governments accountable for responses to address the practical and psychological effects of the tsunami on their citizens. Let us contribute to the efforts of aid organizations in providing services to the most needy. A little individual effort, when gathered together, goes a long way.

This is probably the greatest disaster in recent history, but unfortunately, this will not be the last also. The way we respond to this event now will determine how we can respond should another disaster of the same (or greater) magnitude occur.

Merry Christmas, darlings!

Hope your holidays are happy and gay, like me!!!

If I were you

These days there are few reasons for me to be proud of my country. I will not elaborate this statement further, one look at how the global news media covers stories about the Philippines is explanation enough.

Imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw this video clip while browsing at YouTube. The video was that of a Korean musical variety show or contest–I couldn’t tell because the show was in Korean, it took me a while to find the version with English subtitles, but the girl who was wowing the audience was clearly a Filipina (based on her looks and the way she sung in English). She sang ‘And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going’ from the musical ‘DreamGirls’ in a way that almost equaled the version of Jennifer Hudson in the movie and surpassed that of Regine Velasquez’ performance at the Asia-Pacific Music Festival in Hong Kong in 1988.

Though I found the way she moved as incongruous to the song (blame it on her young age), and the lyric change (from ‘the best man’ to ‘the best mom’) bothersome, her voice was simply remarkable. I can imagine how she would sound years into the future, when age and experience has enriched her life and personality.

Her name is Charice Pempengco, she’s about 15 years old, and I learned that before her YouTube video became a hit, she was a runner-up in Little Big Star, a televised singing contest for kids. Watching her video really made me feel good and proud as a Filipino.

Months later, that particular video made its way to the producers of the Ellen Degeneres’ talk show and soon thereafter she aired the video in one of the show’s regular portion, announcing the search for this unknown girl to be a guest on her top-rated show. This segment of Ellen appeared yet again in YouTube, setting off a buzz in the blogging community, making its way further into news programs.

And last week, Charice made her American television debut on Ellen. She sang two songs: ‘And I’m  Telling You I’m Not Going’ and Whitney Houston’s version of ‘I Will Always Love You’. The two songs were heavily edited a la American Idol, where high-note portions of the song gets meshed together, which to me failed to showcase Charice’s full vocal range. See for yourself and compare it to her singing in the Korean show.

Nevertheless, Ellen and her audience looked equally impressed. I mean, who wouldn’t? She really has a great voice; though she could use a bit of coaching on speaking and diction (a very minor quibble). With this auspicious appearance and the warm reception accorder her, I am sure that efforts will be exerted so she can have an American career. The presence of immigration lawyer Michael Gurfinkel at the airport is a bit of an indicator. In the coming months, Charice will herself join the ranks of OFW (overseas Filipino workers) on the quest for a better life (or showbiz career) in a foreign country.

I wish Charice nothing but the best. I hope she doesn’t end up like Josephine ‘Banig’ Roberto (the tiny Ang Bagong Kampeon (The New Champion) grand winner who defeated Christina Aguilera on Star Search in 1989 and amazed another talk show host, Arsenio Hall), who slipped into obscurity after she and her family migrated to the US so she can pursue a career as a singer.

As a fellow blogger wrote, Charice made Filipinos feel wonderful about being a Filipino in the US. I’m not anywhere near the states but I still feel the same. Mabuhay ka, Charice! 

Supernatural

I see dead people.

Well, not really. At least, not in the way the character of Haley Joel Osment did in the film, The Sixth Sense. But I am sorta attuned to sense the unseen, so to speak. Or it could be that I just have an over-active imagination. It all depends on how you look at it.

I do not have a lot of ghost stories to share; I’d rather call them unexplained stories because most of the time the stories didn’t involve ‘ghosts’ or something like them. They’re just difficult to explain. I could tell that when I was 9 years old I saw the ghost of a classmate’s dead relative when we went to her house. Of course, when I saw her I didn’t know what she was, I just thought she’s my classmate’s grandmother so I greeted her politely and then though nothing of it. Until I got sick hours later.

Other than that, almost nothing. I could say that when I was in university, when I started coming home late due to school or due to a newly-acquired skill in gallivanting, our household help–even my mother, would see me coming home in the afternoon, saying nothing and going straight to my room. Then they would be astonished to see me come home between 7-8PM. They’d ask me where I came from and when I did they’d say that they have seen me come home hours before. This happened many times.

Or, I could tell you that in our main house, which belonged to my family even before World War II, whenever I’d come home really late (like, 1AM and beyond), I would see a man standing under the makopa (rose apple) tree that stood between the gate and the entrance to our house. The first few sightings frightened me a bit but this diminished as time went by. In fact, last year, when I was on holiday in Manila, I saw him again when I went home at 3AM from a night-out with friends.

When I moved to Cambodia, I imagined a city full of ghosts by virtue of its violent past. But my first year of stay was uneventful in that respect. I lived with Navuth, my Cambodian friend, for more than 16 weeks in a 3-storey building that was over 30 years old and I sensed nothing. I heard a few ghost stories from Ted, a Filipino friend I met in this country but also sensed nothing when I stayed in his flat for almost 8 weeks. When I moved to my new flat, however, I sensed something, but saw and heard nothing. It was all that: feelings.

Three months into 2005, as I was battling depression over a relationship that had gone awry, I began having recurring dreams of a Cambodian man befriending me. It got to a point where all I wanted to do was dream so I could continue my conversation with this man. I was only roused from this stupor when he began to subtly suggest the virtues of committing suicide. I promptly looked for another flat and quickly moved into it when a suitable one became available.

A year into moving to my new flat, after my back-to-back trip to Indonesia and India, I began to get sickly. It was also during this time that I began dreaming again of 7 ‘people’, led by a little girl who kept on offering me relief from my pain in exchange for me allowing them to ‘borrow’ my room-mate M for a while. They did not frighten me in any way. Bu the borrowing thing bothered M, who had just arrived from Manila. When I told this to Kimrun, he suggested we perform a ritual to get rid of these spirits–as he called them. 

He bought 7 kinds of fruit, put them on a round tray,  and placed it on the center of the flat. He then lit a couple of white candles and 7 sticks of incense. He said we should pray together and I followed his lead. Right after the ritual, there was a perceptible positive vibe within the house. That very night, I didn’t dream of my 7. And I hadn’t since. Health-wise, I began to feel better also.

I know, there is probably some rational explanation for what really happened in these situations. But I don’t really care. My nights became peaceful and I felt well again. 

Weeks ago, N and I were walking home from a friend’s house a couple of blocks away from my own flat. It was almost 3 in the morning. We stopped in front of the building where my flat is and we were waiting for N’s ride home. We were gaily talking; N’s eyes were on the streets while mine were wandering. I looked at the rooftop of my building and saw a lady dressed in white, with long hair parted in the middle, and huge eyes that glared at me. Unsure of what I’d seen, I turned to N and asked him to look up and when we did, there was nobody there. N thought I was joking but I became really frightened. N ended up spending the night because I didn’t want to sleep alone.

I told this story to Kimrun and we performed the ritual again. But contrary to the first time we did it, I didn’t feel any positive vibe after the last incense was extinguished (pictured below). I decided not to tell Kimrun and began considering other possibilities.

I examined the building and I realized that people were living on the top-most floor, mainly my landlady’s household help. Then I realized that my landlady has one helper who has round eyes and long hair that she keeps in a tight bun all the time. She’s pleasant enough, always smiling at me when we cross paths. It was highly possible that this was the lady I saw. This was probably why the ritual didn’t do anything; because there was no supernatural things to deal with. The more I accepted this explanation, the less my fear got.

In this particular instance, I found a rational (physical) explanation. As for my other experiences, well, they remain to be unexplained.