She works hard for the money

I was feeling insecure.

Starting from December and up to a few days ago, my year wasn’t starting well. Three projects that I’d been wanting to do all got the boot for various reasons. The first one, an 8-month consultancy, I declined because the budget was way too low for the type of job and for the expected output. I let that go because I (smugly) reasoned that I wasn’t desparate. Had they asked me now, I wonder how different my answer would be. The second project wasn’t as long as the first, but it was big in scope. A bit high profile because it involved the government. The proposal I submitted was already approved in principle. However, too much time spent on procrastination and waiting for something to happen led to its ultimate demise. The bilateral agency funding this project was closing shop here in Cambodia this month so there was no more time to carry out the project. Ergo, cancellation.

The third (and my last hope) was even smaller than the two projects I have mentioned but it is something I enjoy doing: facilitating a strategic planning workshop of a community-based organization. I was recommended by a friend to this new client and they asked me to come for an interview. I did and I think the interview went very well. There was rapport between us. They liked my training proposal and told me they’d confirm in a week. When the time came they told me that the planned strategic planning workshop had been postponed indefinitely. This happened on the first week of January. I was deeply disappointed.

For the good part of 2007’s last quarter I’d only been accepting teeny-tiny projects. I imagined myself on a break from work. But the truth was I never did well on vacation. Boredom quickly sets in and after a while I would feel the urge to do something or else, I’d go mad!

As the year drew to a close I got distracted by the holiday celebrations with my Filipino friends in this christmas-less country. I was looking forward to working again, counting on the two (at that time) possibilities that kept my options wide open. As the new year began and the projects started falling through my fingers like water, I began to get worried. I had bills to pay, after all: rent & utilities, my housekeeper, small loans, my credit card & life insurance (in Manila), etc. I felt I was slowly and uncontrollably descending deeper into penury.

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