Reason to believe

Halfway through Father Ed’s talk yesterday evening, I was struck when he speculated on the probable cause of Jun Lozada’s seemingly incessant episodes of crying that has been recorded, transmitted and viewed by the public. Jun Lozada had earlier told Father Ed that he felt as if he was mourning the passing of his old life, in light of having made an irreversible decision to step into a future that he hadn’t imagined and planned for.

This was at the second buffet dinner cum forum that a group of concerned Filipinos organized at Bistro Lorenzo, a Filipino restaurant here in Phnom Penh, yesterday evening. More than 40 people filled the restaurant, a combination of old (from the first forum) and new faces. The Father Ed I’m referring to is Ed dela Torre, a former priest/activist/political prisoner and later, a government official. He was in Phnom Penh on a business trip, but he was prevailed upon by the group to give a short talk on the forum to speak about the state of affairs in the Philippines. We were fortunate to hear from him because Father Ed had at least a couple of conversations with ZTE-NBN witness Jun Lozada and he offered us a fresh look at Jun Lozada.

For the benefit of the new participants, Dinky presented her powerpoint slides. I still found it compelling, to tell the truth. But she soon gave the floor to Father Ed. And as Father Ed was elaborating on the point of dying and rising again in the theological, philosophical, and practical sense, I suddenly thought of cataracts.

As a Nursing student in the early 90s, one of the requirements in the third year was to assist in 5 major and 5 minor surgeries in the operating room, one of the areas of rotation in the hospital. My first major surgery was called ECCE (Extra-capsular Cataract Extraction) and this caused me undue panic. Not because I was afraid to perform poorly and risk the wrath of the surgeon and my clinical instructor but because the night before, I prepared for an Appendectomy (removal of the appendix). I was informed of the change 45 minutes before surgery. So I had to orient myself with a new set of surgical tools, which were–for obvious reasons way different from an abdominal surgery, memorize these, and prepare them accordingly.

But this is not the point of my story. I was able to perform well in that surgery, by the way. But what really struck me was the image of the cataract as it was being extracted from beneath the surface of the eye. It looked like a fish scale from a big fish (carp came to mind). Being the good Catholic that I was then, I thought of the conversion of Saint Paul, when the regaining of his sight was described as scales being removed from his eyes. Whoever had his cataracts removed must really feel relieved to see things clearly again. I never saw the patient after his surgery. I would have asked him to describe how it felt to be able to see again.

I can just imagine how exhilarating it must feel. This is probably how Jun Lozada also feels, now that his decision, which brought him tremendous anxiety before, has led to him receiving so much public admiration, even adulation.

On a more meager scale, my feelings last night tended to veer the same way. I was glad I attended the second forum, if only to meet the same group of people again. I was fortunate to have heard Father Ed’s words, which made me feel as if I’d just heard an excellent sermon (the long but wonderful kind) during mass. He actually made me miss going to church for a few moments and it felt refreshing. I was glad to learn about an aspect of Jun Lozada, to hear an objective assessment of what is happening in the Philippines, and to listen to possible scenarios if the current events come to a head in the near future.

I was waiting for Father Ed to suggest ways on how we can do some thing as a group or as an individual and I was equally glad when he threw the question back at us.

Read the statement. Join the signature campaign. Join the e-group. Talk to your families in the Philippines. Read on-line editions of Philippine newspapers. Educate yourself on the issue. Discern truth from propaganda. Educate others without antagonizing them. As a group, more activities are planned. We hope to get the support and participation of other Filipinos in Cambodia.

A Cambodian friend asked me what I thought about the things that are happening in the Philippines right now. For a moment I didn’t know what to say. How do I tell him that I dislike the things that are happening in my country without undermining my love of country? How do I tell him that the more I was physically away from all these shenanigans, the less I am able to disassociate myself from being a Filipino?

At this point in our lives, it is easy to be cynical. But I’d like to believe that there are still plenty of others who are working for the good of everyone. There are admittedly bad fruits in the basket, but these rotten ones are not the majority. And to me there is still enough reason to believe that things will change for the better. 

And when that change indeed happens, I hope we do not squander this new chance by repeating and allowing the same mistakes to happen again.