Declare independence

Yesterday, the UPS of my desktop computer shut down and never came back to life again. Because of a deadline that I was trying very hard to meet (and the hesitance to shell out US$70-80 for a new UPS), I plugged the computer directly into the surge protector and immediately went back to work. Last night, as I was still working, the monitor suddenly grew dark then displayed a message that my operating system was shutting down because the CPU was overheating. I turned it on after a few minutes long enough to retrieve the file I was working on, shut it down again and typed from my laptop.

This morning I decided that I had to buy a UPS so I went to the computer shop I always went to and got a new UPS. I was pleasantly surprised that I got one for US$35.00. On the way home I stopped by the market and bought shrimp, squid, salted duck’s eggs, and a few vegetables. For lunch I cooked grilled tilapia stuffed with tomatoes and onions while V made a salad out of the duck’s eggs. Well, I didn’t do the actual grilling, our housekeeper did it, under my supervision.

While eating V remarked on how great our life in Phnom Penh is. And I agreed. Because I personally believe it is true. I mean, Phnom Penh may not be a cosmopolitan place but it is a very comfortable place to live in. Relaxed and laid-back, with just the right blend of urban and rustic qualities that has continued to enthrall me.

Phnom Penh has been my adoptive home for the last 4 years. When I first came here, I have never been away from my home for more than 1 month. Before I came here, I have never lived without the support of my family. Being an only child, my parents did not allow me to live outside of our home in Manila. It was here in Phnom Penh where I was able to build a life that I have only dreamt of while in the Philippines. I lived on my own: managed my own household (going to the market, cooking, doing laundry & ironing, making small repairs around the house), found work (built a good reputation), handled my finances (saved in a bank, sent to Manila), etc. I basically became responsible for myself. 

Living in Phnom Penh has also changed me in a positive way. I made some mistakes along the way, sure. Had some blunders with work. Made some friends who turned out to be unscrupulous people. But other than a few mishaps my life in Phnom Penh has been like one huge classroom where I learned a lot of lessons. Even my older friendships were tested here. And when these older friendships failed miserably, I was supported by friends I’ve made here: friends that have been my support system, in lieu of my family in the Philippines.

Career-wise, Phnom Penh has also been very generous to me. I wouldn’t have imagined being able to live for 4 years doing freelance work had I stayed in Manila. Many expatriate consultants are very generous with their complaints about working with Cambodians. And I will also admit that I have been continually challenged working with them. However, I also believe that these experiences, no matter how frustrating or irksome they might be, will only make my work better in the long run. Working in Cambodia has prepared me quite well for continuing to pursue my interest in development work.

Looking back at the last 4 years, I am filled with gratitude for having made that decision to settle here, even if my prospects that time were, at best, uncertain. As a friend I made here (who himself is back in Manila to study) told me in 2004, Cambodia is the place where people go to reinvent themselves and build a new life.

I can safely and categorically say that I love my life here in Phnom Penh. I have made quite a life here: settling myself in the ebb and flow of the city, becoming attuned to its rhythm, and relishing the comforts that come along with it. However, I also know, that there will come a time when I will have to extricate myself from this life. Like what I did with my life in Manila, I will soon have to declare independence from this life and step into a new one somewhere else. No matter how attached I have become to my life here.

It will be frightening and unnerving, I’m sure. Leaving one’s comfort zone is never painless. But it will also be exhilarating and exciting. These departures. I imagine it’s like being born: leaving the dark warmth of the womb and allowing one’s self to be embraced by the wind and kissed by the sun.