Trip to Jerusalem

About 4 months ago I got recruited for a full-time position in an international NGO based in Kuala Lumpur. I didn’t expect that I would get the job, because I applied for it almost on a lark. This came at an awkward period as well. I’d just moved to a new flat and I was starting on a research project. I asked them if they’d be willing to wait for me to finish my consultancy and they said they were willing to do so. They sent the Letter of Appointment.

But as it happened the project I was working on got delayed so I asked them for another extension. The recruiter agreed, fortunately. They promised to send a new Letter of Appointment thereafter. Then I got sick and had to go back to Manila for surgery. While I was inManila, I followed up the Letter of Appointment but got no response. Weeks passed. I sent a number of emails.

Almost a month later I got a letter for the program director coldly saying that there have been delays in processing the work permit so they couldn’t send the new Letter of Appointment. And that if I have any offers, I should take it because they cannot promise anything until the approvals came. Her exact words.

After that I heard that the guy who recruited me, who was supposed to be my immediate supervisor, has resigned from the organization. I spoke with him and without directly saying, I understood that the working environment in the organization was not as dynamic as I thought. I asked him if I should still wait for the approval of work permit. Being professional, the guy said he can’t advice me to do anything, but I should prepare for the kind of working environment I will be in once I still accept the post.

Exactly a month ago I received a letter from the program director asking me to sign and send back the first (and only) Letter of Appointment so I could start in the middle of this month. This threw my equilibrium askew yet again. I asked my friends’ opinions, I thought about it a great deal, procrastinated until I thought my head would explode.

But what was I thinking of, really? Consulting work is risky–subject to a lot of conditions that could affect one’s ability to secure projects on a regular basis. Meanwhile, the post doesn’t have a spectacular salary but it’s a regular, monthly salary. Plus, the post fits into my long-term career path. And it would look good on my CV.

It should’ve been a no-brainer. To decide to pack up and leave. But I finally decided not to take the post and stay here in Cambodia for a little more time. I wrote the program director yesterday and informed them of my decision. After doing it, I suddenly felt unburdened and free. An indicator, in my opinion, that I made the correct decision.

I weighed the pros and cons of leaving and staying and the result was always a draw. I examined my own attitude towards change and I realized that the years have not dampened my thirst for challenges and adventures; of being able to leap into the unknown. Kind of like the manner I moved here four years ago. But when I looked further back at my experiences, I realized that while I have retained a good amount of my youthful brashness and confidence, I have also learned from past experiences and more importantly, to trust my intuition. And bells are definitely tolling when I think about the kind of work environment I’d be getting into.

And while I initially thought that my life here in Cambodia has become too comfortable, recent developments have clearly shown that my life here remains as dynamic as before. Cambodia is changing before my eyes, and these changes bring a new sense of mystery I’d like to examine and explore, for a little more time. And so I stay.