Over it

Over It - Katharine McPhee

As I grow older I realize that I am always compelled to re-examine my previous convictions and pronouncements. I think this started happening about 7 or 8 years ago. One of such convictions that was subjected to this re-examination (and subsequently scrapped) was my stance on becoming friends with my exes. Before this, I was staunchly against befriending a past lover. My reason was simple: it is impossible to ‘revert’ to being friends after a relationship is over if we were not friends first before we became lovers. Makes sense, right?

After breaking up with EX#1 (1994-1995) and EX#2 (1996), I made sure our paths wouldn’t cross. And I was successful.

But, like I said, this eventually changed, primarily because of EX#3 (1996-1998). After our relationship was finally concluded, he made extraordinary efforts to befriend me: maintaining communication with me and my family, seeing me regularly, hanging out with me, even introducing his dates to me. I found that I could manage these things. The only downside was the shameless flirtation that we engaged in whenever we were together, even in front of other people. And descending further, these flirtations almost always ended up with EX#3 and I having sex, which was–I have to admit, a tad better than our sex when we were together.

Of course, these post-affair sexual encounters proved to be pernicious in the end, and it almost cost our budding friendship. EX#3 and I are fine now, by the way; still good friends, even if we’re continents apart.

This experience has taught me that friendship with one’s ex is indeed a possibility. I started bumping into EX#1 in 1999, 5 years after we broke up. Each time we saw each other, I found myself flirting with him, and he flirting back. Once, while on a business trip in his home province, he invited me to stay a night in his house and I agreed. When I arrived at his nicely appointed home, we started flirting immediately. Fortunately nothing happened that night, because I also realized that I had no real desire to sleep with him again. I last saw him last in 2003, months before I left for Cambodia.

I saw EX#2 about 4 times from 2000 to 2002 and, like with EX#1, I also found myself flirting with him. I think it was because he looked better than when I first knew him. And, as in the case of EX#1, I realized I had no real desire to sleep with him again. I immediately stopped my flirting especially when I sensed that he was seriously getting turned on by my innuendoes. I last saw him in mid-2004.

Since we broke up in 2003, I haven’t seen EX#4 (2000-2003) other than seeing photos of his naked torso and cock in various gay social sites. He’s always been proud of his ‘endowment’ and I think he was also born with the porn-star gene, hence the streak of exhibitionism. I say only streak because in the photos he was very careful not to show his face. But I know his genitals very well: each vein, each fold of skin, up to each strand of pubic hair.

I didn’t see EX#5 (2004-2005) for almost a year after we broke up. But work-related circumstances forced a new contact. He was apologetic and sweet, and soon we were flirting with each other. Like with EX#3, this flirting led to sexual encounters. However, unlike with EX#3, EX#5 and I got back together for a return engagement (2006-2008). I saw EX#5 a couple of weeks ago, 8 months after our second (and hopefully last) break-up, on a work-related event. This time, however, I made sure that we’d be as far as possible from each other.

From the corner of my vision, I could see that he was attempting to throw me his limpid-eyed glances that used to reduce my legs and knees to the consistency of clarified butter. It was a good thing that the gesture didn’t work its previous effects on me. The effect probably got diffused by the distance it had to travel across the conference hall.

I remain open to the possibility of becoming friends with EX#5. But not just yet.