Rehab

Rehab - Amy Winehouse

I never thought I’d be able to use this song as a title to any of my posts but here it is. Don’t take it literally, though. If I have an addiction that needs an intervention, it would most probably be my addiction to life. Yes, I know, it sounds lame. But it’s true. In my whole life, I’ve never felt so alive than I did this year.

Probably because I’ve never been this close to death. I’m probably exaggerating (as I am wont to do at times) but being very sick over a span of 5 months — in varying degrees, has forced me to face my mortality and re-assess my life. I underwent 2 (non-invasive but pesky nonetheless) surgical procedures to remove my gall bladder and gallstones, which went uneventfully, except for a minor complication (a secondary infection) that left me utterly frustrated, not to mention stranded in Manila for almost 6 weeks. On top of that, I almost had a fatal encounter with an errant axe-blade, which missed my head by a few inches as it fell 4 storeys from a building being constructed beside my house. This was an accident that I had absolutely no control of. My surgery(ies), meanwhile, could have been avoided.

This year I came (more like, forced by circumstances) to a decision to take concrete steps regarding my health and well-being. I decided to make healthier choices when it came to food (laying off the carbs and fatties), physical activity (getting off my butt to exercise, getting enough sleep), and lifestyle (letting the alcoholic drinks ferment by themselves), among others. True, I have backslid in the last month, but hey, behavior change is not a linear thing. I am entitled to regress a few times (not too many, I hope).

Aside from the obvious physical and psychological benefits of that decision, focusing on the physical allowed me to cope with the emotional turmoils that gripped me this year. Kept me busy and distracted enough to forget about weeping and wallowing. My relationship with a cherished individual finally ended at the start of the year. This ending was nowhere near the ending that I would have liked and wanted, but I dealt with it the best way I could. Like last year, my friendships have been dynamic this year as well. Of the 4 new friends I mentioned in last year’s post, only 1 has remained. There are actually 2 but the other has returned to Manila for good so I guess he doesn’t count.

I said last year that I was looking forward to knowing R more, and I’m glad I did. He turned out to be one of the most trustworthy people I’ve met in a long time. We don’t have a lot of things in common, but wherever applicable, we complement each other very well. I admire his grace, most of all. He can tolerate the most annoying people much better than I do. I made a lot of new friends this year: some I met through work (my Cambodian posse of pretty young men–kidding!), some through mutual friends (a gay muslim from Singapore, new members of the Filipino gay community in Phnom Penh and one straight guy), and still some through blogging (pink bloggers from Thailand, Hong Kong, Malaysia, the US, and Siem Reap). I’m actually surprised because I’ve never been really good at  making friends, shy and reserved and snobbish as I am (haha).

Speaking of new things, this year I was able to travel to places I’ve never been before: South Africa (Johannesburg), Singapore, Vietnam (Tay Ninh province), and here in my adopted country (the provinces of Kampong Thom, Stung Treng, and Kampong Speu). Re-visited Kuala Lumpur, Saigon, Manila (does this count?), Sihanoukville, and Siem Reap. New things at work included doing projects on child safety, communications programming, and pandemic preparedness among migrants aside from my ‘usual’ HIV/AIDS work.

Other new things include a new home in the middle of the year (which I will leave in ten days — more on this later), a new room-mate, a rebound boy (we’ve sort of lapsed into a friendship, though), and a semi-regular, semi-exclusive date (we’re friends, so we’re taking it very, very, very slow).

An almost-new thing was my employment at an international agency based in Kuala Lumpur, which I eventually, and politely, turned down. Said decision seems to be the right one, though, in terms of the results and consequences so far.

So there, all in all, this year has had its ups (stratospheric) and downs (catastrophic) but all things considered, I think I heart 2008 more than 2007.

And now, on the future. My astrological forecast for the year 2009:

Like its predecessor and complement, the Rat, it signifies new beginnings. The main difference is the Ox is associated with building to last and slow but sure action. Even more so than last year we all have to make good choices, as that which is begun now is likely to have long term consequences. 2009 is an Earth year. The difference is this one is yin rather than yang. It is thus likely to be less tumultuous. On a personal level, better results are more likely to be achieved by reacting to circumstances and going with the flow rather than aggressively charging forward and initiating a lot of action.

Unfortunately Earth has a destructive relationship with the Ox’s fixed element, Water. In fact this is the fourth in a run of six years governed by an unlucky conflict of elements. The combination of Earth and Ox, however, is not at all a negative combination. Its primary characteristic is durability. It suggests an environment dominated by cautious pragmatism rather than quixotic dreaming. Things will get done.

Furthermore, they will generally be successful if done in harmony with the spirit of the Earth Ox. This applies both to the type and amount of new projects as well as the approach to accomplishing them. That means focusing on just a few, long term projects. It also suggests proceeding in a cautious yet determined manner. Finally, it counsels avoiding taking unnecessary risks and yielding to the temptation to seek short term gains.

The year 2009 will be a period of lasting accomplishments. This is true for individuals, societies and the human race in general. There may be times when motivation appears to be lacking. In fact the big challenge everyone faces is to generate the enthusiasm and desire to act. Those individuals and organizations that do will create enduring benefits for themselves and the world. 

Happy new year, dear reader… May 2009 bring us the greatest and the best, along with the strength and the will to cope with the worst!